1. Do nothing. Leave "da club" without saying anything to this person. You will regret your silence for the rest of your life and always wonder, "what if?" Soon, you will slide into a deep depression and develop a severe drinking problem. Your loved ones will abandon you and you will die alone, on a Monday, in a nursing home, somewhere in Rhode Island.
2. Approach this person and engage in small talk. Ask them deep and revealing questions such as, "What's your major? Where are you from? What high school did you go to? What is your favorite Hootie and the Blowfish song? Oh, you don't know who Hootie and the Blowfish is? Well, do you know who Darius Rucker is? Yes? Are you an idiot?"
3. Walk up to this person, say nothing, and poke them. If they poke you back, you're in business.
After a lot of thought, you have made your choice. You decide not to go with option one because you hate roads and islands and the thought of them being combined terrifies you. Option two is tempting, but option three just makes the most sense. What better way to show your affection for someone than through the act of poking? You begin to walk closer but something peculiar happens. The walls begin to shake, everyone starts screaming, fire engulfs the room and...you wake up in your bed. HA! I just used the Biggie Smalls "It was all a Dream" method on you. I can't believe you fell for that.
Now that you have read the longest introduction in history and I finally have your attention, I would like to discuss my main topic...catapults. Just kidding. I really want to talk about Facebook pokes. Not kidding.
If you are around my age, you have probably had a Facebook for a while now. You also have probably been annoyed by the amount of times Facebook has changed it's format and the features it offers. It may feel like Facebook has changed more than P. Diddy has changed his name...it has. But, throughout all the changes, there has been one constant feature...poking. Why? Why on Earth does Facebook still have the poke feature? What is it's significance? What is the meaning of life? Why am I asking all these questions? I don't know. I am pretty sure the original intention of the poke was to provide a way for Facebook users to "flirt" with each other. Which literally makes no sense. In the whole history of flirting when has "poking" ever been the go to move. Seriously, go up to someone and poke them. Just the thought of that makes you cringe. Who likes to be poked anyways? The only people I can think of are...
Why Bill Clinton? I don't know, it just seems like something he would be into. Sue me. Anyways, the list isn't that long.
However, no matter how creepy poking is we all do it...on Facebook. I have been poking about nine or ten people on the regular for over a year now. I won't disclose their names as the shame of knowing themselves is enough. We have all been involved in a poke war at some point. Maybe to the point where you literally just keep clicking poke over and over and over and over again until one of you decides to write on the other persons wall something like "You will never win this poke war" or "This poke war is out of control" or "Please, I have a wife and kids back home, stop poking me." Perhaps the creepiest part of the poke feature is that Facebook actually suggests people for you to poke. Like I needed any help. How does Facebook even come up with it's suggestions? Is it based off people you stalk the most? If so, your mom would be at the top of my suggestion list. OHHHHHHHH!!!! I think that's the second time I've made a "your mom" joke in my blog. I need new material.
Well, if you didn't already know, I hope you know now how creepy poking is. With that being said, poke on my friends. Poke on.
